I recently had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Brenda Wade, psychologist, author, speaker and expert commentator for CNN and NBC’s Today Show. eWomenNetwork members and attendees of the 10th Anniversary eWomenNetwork Conference had the opportunity to hear Dr. Wade speak this summer. She is the Founder of the International Love and Money Summit which will be held in San Francisco, CA December 9-12, 2010.
Q - Dr. Wade, what did our Conference attendees share with you was their largest issue with Love and Money?
A - Entrepreneurial women want to have it all. The problem is that they have all the stressors of running a business, maintaining relationships and raising a family in addition to the economic stresses that we all face. Women business owners are at a higher risk for divorce. It is possible to have it all, you just have to learn how to do it. When we learn better, we do better.
Q - Could you elaborate? I know you base your approach on scientific studies by major university marital labs.
A - If you don’t know how to do something, it is critical to reach out to someone with the skills to help you improve. We need to invest time and money in our relationships. We invest less money in our relationships than we do to maintain our cars! It costs $325 billion dollars to support our current divorce rate of 51%. This includes healthcare costs, counseling expenses, loss of productivity, extended leave, juvenile delinquency, higher crime and jail costs. And, children of divorce are 70% more likely to end up divorced themselves. In today’s economy, families and couples need to understand that if you want to invest in anything right now, it should be your families.
Q - It is your mission to cut divorce in half by 2015. That is an incredible challenge. What would it take to accomplish this?
A - In my latest book, 99 THINGS YOU WISH YOU KNEW BEFORE FALLING IN LOVE, I reference research that indicates that the divorce rate should never be above 8.5%. It has been between 50% and 51% for the last forty years. If two-thirds of all couples did premarital counseling, it would cut the divorce rate to 17%. If the remaining couples did marital coaching, it would cut the rate to 8.5%.
Q - You talk about four important secrets that can help you build lasting love and grow your money. Would you share these with our readers?
1. You need personal insight. What things do you need to learn to improve your personal relationships and finances?
2. You need skills. Start with yourself. Do you give yourself appreciation, admiration, affection, and acceptance? You have to give yourself these things before you can share them with others. And you need to withhold criticism, contempt, coldness and competitiveness from yourself and from your relationships so that they can flourish.
3. Your next step is to create action to keep your relationship growing. Everyone has heard, “Oh, we just grew apart.” We need to develop ways to grow together.
4. And the last secret is don’t accept things the way they are.
Q - What is the main take away that you hope our readers will get from this discussion?
A - Learn better and you do better. In order to tackle these issues you need strategies, tools and daily action steps. I look forward to talking more about these issues with eWomenNetwork members during my upcoming Success Institute Tele-Session on November 16, 2010 and at the International Love and Money Summit on December 9-12, 2010.